I Don't Understand Texas: Part 1

I recently moved to the south. More specifically Texas. I've been living in Fort Worth for exactly 6 months now and I'm still learning how to navigate this weird world they call the southern lifestyle. My origins date way back to the land of the corn and the beef, the Good Life, the foundation of oxygen (Arbor Day), and don't forget the Cornhuskers. If you haven't already guessed, I was born and raised on a farm in Nebraska with a horse and buggy. Yes, I'm Amish. Electricity is a new phenomenon to me!

The south operates by it's own rules, and Texas is no exception to the rule. This state definitely moves to its very own drum beat. I cry every Sunday when Chic-Fil-A is closed. Doesn't the CEO of Chick-Fil-A understand that that's when I need the peanut oiled chicken, and waffle fries to fulfill my hungover, lifeless body the most! Selfish.

Or how about, no one leaves their house on Sunday except for church. I could go streaking downtown on a Clydesdale while escorting the 101 Dalmatians, and no one would know. It is that desolate. I don't even think the police department patrols on a Sunday. The day comes and goes, with everyone acting as though Sunday doesn't even exist. Then suddenly, everyone's life resumes on Monday. For this reason Sunday turns into my Funday. That's when Project Mayhem happens... 

This is what really kills me the most; the weather. I had heard the horrific stories from my sister that Texan's were undeniably absurd, when it came to any sort of weather below 40 degrees. Folks, she's not lying. I'll break it down for you.

Yesterday morning, I woke up to a colder apartment than usual. I live in a garage apartment on the second floor. It's pretty drafty below my apartment since the garage is made up of foundation from the 1960's, and metal garage doors. I've noticed my apartment gets colder because of this, but it's Texas, so this is nothing to a northerner, such as myself. I was born in a blizzard! That's a lie, I was born in the center of the sun in July.

Anyways... I noticed outside my window a dusting of snow had appeared overnight. I got dressed and headed out the door soon after, and I was expecting the worst for my drive to work. It took me 30 minutes to drive 3 miles in a dusting of snow! It usually takes 10 minutes. I even received an email from the higher beings, letting me know that events were canceled later in the day, and there was a possibility I would not have to come into work the next day. I thought I was high. Where I come from you pray for this sort of thing to happen, but it never does. 

One inch of snow and the world shuts down! It's heaven for those of us who understand the white stuff (that's what she said!). For those who don't, than it's hell, or so I've been told. I think they're faking it. You Ferris Bueller wannabes!

I've worn my winter coat maybe a total of 5 times all winter and I see most wrapped up in FUR coats, scarfs, mittens, Ugg boots, and much more on a daily basis. I wish I was making this up. I actually won't be surprised to see someone in a plastic bubble, because they are that afraid down here of freezing temperatures. Remember that weird movie Bubble Boy?? What an extreme folly! And yet, you want to see it happen as much as I do.

That whole episode with Atlanta, GA shutting down and having their kids sleep in schools, is something to notice. 

I scuffed at it and a lot of Texans I know did as well. Hmmm..... the pot calling the kettle black, EH???
(I'm now Canadian)

I'll let that just sink in a bit. Has it sunk in yet. I'll wait a little longer...

I was in Colorado last week and they had snow piled up twice my body size. I'm as tall as a ten year old, so that's not saying much. However, no one even batted an eye-lash. Then I come home to the polar opposite. To say it's hilarious is an understatement! I've seen more precipitation in a dried up desert, than I've seen on the pavement here.

This was taken our first day in Colorado. It had snowed at least 48" in a matter of 48 hours. Nose goes to dig that car out!

Here's a picture of the remnants of our dusting/possibly an inch of snow.  So much precipitation! Shut the city down and call up the news stations. It's a snowfall for the record books!


I know this for sure, Texas and I don't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. At least it's working to my benefit in the colder months.