How long does it take for you to purchase something? Maybe ten minutes, if you factor waiting in line and bagging your items, then you're on your merry way. Sure, it doesn't take an exorbitant amount of time to wait in line to buy something, but I still think Americans are anxious when it comes to buying their groceries. Other cultures argue Americans are as impatient as an ADD toddler hopped up on sugar and caffeine. Did anyone else just picture Honey Boo Boo when she was about to perform for the toddler beauty pageant? We are a culture steeped in immediacy and having our every desires met, or exceeded at every corner. I'm not afraid to say I fit into this category of being an impatient person, however, I blame it all on my zodiac sign. I'm a leo, and if anything that could be our biggest flaw; zero patience. Ever.

You can call me out, and say I'm denying my upbringing in Generation Y, or not owning up to the fact that I am apart of the atmospheric culture, that depends upon immediacy at every turn. Here's why I blame my impatience on my leo-ness rather than my dependency on prompt customs.

I used to be that girl in high school and college who only paid in cash. I was taught from a young age to always carry the proper amount of "safety money", in case I was ever in a bind. I love the idea of cash. It's quick, dirty (think of all the strippers who have encountered your money), and to the point. You hand the cashier a 20 dollar bill, they give you change and a receipt back, and the transaction is done, fin, finished. There is no fuss and it's a straightforward way to pay. It was so easy to drop by the ATM in college. I would ride my bike or walk by at least one ATM a day. Prepare yourself, here comes my Boo Hoo moment, and my white girl problems.

Since being out of college and driving everywhere, I'm not as conveniently close to an ATM at all times, so I started using my debit card on a more than familiar basis. It's a rarity for me to have cash on hand anymore. Sorry Papacito. I've grown to not use cash because I find it more of a hassle to drive 5 miles away to grab some money, when I only need to drive 2 miles to get a few groceries. It's for the sake of convenience and saving gas. I understand this sounds cavalier and ridiculous, however, I know most of you agree with me on this point. It just makes life a little easier and less expensive sometimes.

Here's where my impatience lies. It's not because I'm in a hurry to catch up on Mad Men, or because I'm late for my high priority southern blow out at the hair salon, or to put it more plainly, that I'm constantly in a hurry and moving faster than my feet. If that was the case, I would have been done with this argument paragraphs ago. I can't stand the bullshit that ensues while you pay with your debit card at most retail stores. Think about it. You swipe your card, then you enter your pin number, then they ask about your rewards card, immediately after, the cashier asks about signing up for a credit card or account with the company (you'll even get 20% off this purchase when you sign up), then they ask for an email address or your zip code, after that, they ask if you want cash back, then if you want to absolutely make the purchase, are you sure you want to make the purchase, let me ask one more time, is that your final answer? HOLY JESUS, YES, I WANT TO MAKE THE GOD DAMN PURCHASE! Sometimes they ask if I want a receipt, if I wiped my ass this morning and brushed my teeth, or did I make sure to wear clean underwear, or if I payed my last cable bill.

Going through the motions of a debit card purchase, more likely than not, can be compared to an interrogation with the CIA. By the end of the transaction, I feel like the machine and the cashier know more about me, where I live, my life, and anything else they deem worthy about me, more than I do. I feel the need to shower afterwards. The machine sometimes turns into what I would imagine an overbearing mother would feel like. I was lucky and was raised by wolves, so I can only guess what that would be like.

I have become increasingly more aware of it and find Walgreens to be one of the worst perpetrators of them all. It's as though I fill out a questionnaire for an intense dating website every time I go in to make a purchase. My purchases there have become a weekly occurrence since I live a block away from one. Don't even get me started on renewing a prescription with them. If you can believe it, it's worse than just making a payment there. Just thinking about it makes me want to scream. AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I'd like to go back to the good ol' days where favors, bartering, trading, and maybe a shilling, was more acceptable than plastic. At least I'd talk to a person over a machine. I wouldn't feel emotionally violated by a plastic black box, that wants to degrade me for not giving a $2 donation to Make-A-Wish Foundation, EVERY TIME I go to the grocery store. Sorry Kiddos, I need to feed myself right now. I'll give back when I'm out of the ramen phase of my life.

Here's to wishing for a world which is less fascinated in trying to become my personal electronic best friend, on a very superficial basis, and just being happy for my continual support of your business. Your black machine at every counter does not make me feel cozy inside, it makes me feel ill to have to go through you, in order to leave the store. I want to dodge you faster than you can say dodgeball, but c'est la vie.

However, I must thank the big box corporations of America. I'm going back to my old ways and leaving my debit card to collect dust. I'm strictly paying in pennies and $1 bills from now on. You're welcome, and enjoy the cheap strippers perfume that you'll have to smell as you handle my money. Suckers.