How often do you hear success stories of people going cold turkey over the things they love most? How many smokers quit smoking and then go back to the habit after a month. Or how about the people who like to eat 6 Big Macs on a weekly basis and then decide that they will not touch one until they lose 20 lbs. Sometimes the will power to overcome your indiscretions outweighs your poor behavior, and you become a victor to your own weakness. BUT, more-likely than not, you cave faster than a soufflé made by an amateur, and you're back to where you started.

I despise the idea and sole notion of a new year resolution!

The advertising of weight-loss and dieting television adds sponsored by washed up celebrities is so overdone, that I'm begging for a hula hooping squirrel to make an appearance on the commercial instead. I'd actually watch that over someone telling me they lost 35 lbs, and all it took was a balanced diet and portion control made especially by yours truly, the company begging you to buy their product. Ladies and gentlemen, you can have your own balanced diet and portion control if you just read about it and maybe go to a produce section. It's easier than one may think, unless you're Pizza The Hut. Then and only then do you get a pass, because you're only allowed to eat yourself when things get bad. (If you don't understand that reference you shouldn't be reading this blog)

I choose to eat a cheeseburger because I'm human and like to be a sinner every now and then. I may throw the word "sinner" around a lot, and some may think I'm dramatic to use that word considering the circumstances, but Whataburger stole my soul and dignity long ago, which may have been sold to the devil. The jury is still out on that one. The point being, you have to be a little naughty, so to speak, in order to be nice. So here's my number one question.

Why would anyone choose to not be naughty every now and then??

The naughty and nice tug of war keeps me in balance, and hopefully a sane person. I should take a poll on that last statement. So what if I have some flaws, imperfections, and occasionally do something stupid? I'd rather be an imperfect hot mess and enjoy it all, rather than tip-toe around for the first few months of every year. What's the use, more likely than not you'll become an angry, unhappy bitch through it all. Maybe that explains Nancy Grace's behavior. In all honesty, only the lucky few maybe make it to March with their resolution.

This is a bold and not even close to being researched statement, but most everyone breaks their resolution by Valentines Day. My absolute favorite thing was going to the rec center right before Spring Break in college. Most girls that were there in the middle of March NEVER came to the rec before then (I would know, I'm actually Santa Claus watching over all of you. Haven't I been giving you good hints with all my naught/nice talk... think about it). So these idiots thought that one week of working out would "fix" their small beer bellies or tighten their butts. Who are you and what are you doing? You're drunk go home, and all of you should be fined for being such morons. Starting a resolution is not a fad such as these rec girls may treat it. it's suppose to resonate and be apart of your life for now and ever. Or maybe that's just how I view it.

If you care enough about your self being, you shouldn't have to set a resolution every 12 months in order to live by it. Live it, breathe it, swear by it, and then DO IT! Do it over and over again. I want it to feel like a broken record. Or better yet, it should be as if you're listening to Ben Stein's voice for the rest of your life, a constant, never-changing monotone sound. It's called a habit! Maybe some of you resolutioners should look the word up in a dictionary. I think I'm going to call it from now on A New Year Habit instead. What do you think? Catchy, right?

So here's my motto for everyone: SCREW RESOLUTIONS, THEY GET YOU NOWHERE.