Oklahoma Gives Me Road Rage
This is a public service announcement: ALL Oklahamoans need to go back to driving school.
Oklahoma! You. Yeah you! The state that looks like a big foam finger pointing to better states westward.. I command all of your residents to stop driving immediately!
I've driven home a few times since moving to Texas and I dread the 3-4 hour drive through Oklahoma to get northward. That's saying something since driving north or south through Kansas is worse than driving through North Dakota. It is the armpit of America. I'm talking about you Wichita, KS.
However apprehensive I am about staring into the abyss of the state you call Kansas, (I know Nebraska is in the same category) Oklahoma makes me nervous in the service, to trudge through the land where the the wind comes sweeping down the plain.
Did you know it's not the wind?? Oh Hell NO! It's the idiots and incompetent morons that drive in the state of Oklahoma, with their ugly cream license plates decorated in maroon letters. Real original Folks. I can't hide my wishful thinking that one day the state bans the use of cars forever. FOR-EV-ER. FOR-EV-ER. I couldn't resist using Squint's memorable lines from the movie The Sandlot. I love it too much to not show you this little clip.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0H6R7xRytk
Any-Who, back to the question at hand, should we allow Oklahomans to drive ever again?? N-O!!!NO!!!!
And the rant begins...
I want you to imagine a bunch of Douche-Baggery cars. You know the kind. The wannabe muscle car with the driver who thinks the answer to getting chicks into their souped-up, faux pleather interior hot wheels-esque car, is to share the road with others like a cracked out Richard Simmons.
When one of these sports cars (Chevy Camaro/Ford Mustang) zips by me in its dark, broody paint job and tinted windows, I can't help but hope they crash and burn in the ditch next to me, so that I can avoid their presence altogether. These are the main culprits for the atrocious driving. I'm not singling them out but they are the majority. What is it with Oklahoma and everyone feeling the need to wave their cars in front of you like a well hung porn star. We Get it! You have small dicks, now go do something more useful with all that low testosterone and ego.
These muscle cars don't just change lanes and pass you. No, that would be the logical thing. They swerve in an extreme fashion and make me think I'm going down with them. WHY?? What's wrong with casually changing lanes. Does throwing your steering wheel in one direction or another really make a difference in saving a few extra seconds? I doubt it, and you look like amateur 16-year-old when you do. STOP.
Also these darkly painted muscle cars look like the latest and greatest state trooper cars. Be normal and drive a white or silver SUV, so I can drive above the lame speed limit of 70 mph in your god-for-saken state. Texas, Kansas, and Nebraska all have a speed limit of 75. What's 5 more mph? It's not like any of the residents of the state abide by it anyways.
Oklahoma trucks have a tendency to reverse the fast and the slow lanes on the highways. Were you taught your driving skills south of the equator or in Europe?? Why is this the only thing that is backwards with your driving etiquette? They park in the fast lane and ironically the slow lane is where all the passing is done. I find this irritating! Why are you so special Oklahoma, that you don't feel the need to obey the traffic etiquette that every other state deems perfectly fine?
"You're not that special. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We're all part of the same compost heap. We're all singing, all dancing crap of the world."
- Tyler Durden from Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club
I have an idea. When I venture north for my homeward bound journey, I'll drive my car to the edge of northern Texas, ditch the car and hop on a small jet, which will fly me to the southern border of Kansas, where I'll get in another car, and resume my trek on four wheels touching the ground. What do you think??
Come at me pilots! I'm in the market for a personal pilot and small jet. Preferably one that has my name on it in neon colors, and is equipped with a full spa service, and a well stocked bourbon collection.
Oklahoma! You. Yeah you! The state that looks like a big foam finger pointing to better states westward.. I command all of your residents to stop driving immediately!
I've driven home a few times since moving to Texas and I dread the 3-4 hour drive through Oklahoma to get northward. That's saying something since driving north or south through Kansas is worse than driving through North Dakota. It is the armpit of America. I'm talking about you Wichita, KS.
However apprehensive I am about staring into the abyss of the state you call Kansas, (I know Nebraska is in the same category) Oklahoma makes me nervous in the service, to trudge through the land where the the wind comes sweeping down the plain.
Did you know it's not the wind?? Oh Hell NO! It's the idiots and incompetent morons that drive in the state of Oklahoma, with their ugly cream license plates decorated in maroon letters. Real original Folks. I can't hide my wishful thinking that one day the state bans the use of cars forever. FOR-EV-ER. FOR-EV-ER. I couldn't resist using Squint's memorable lines from the movie The Sandlot. I love it too much to not show you this little clip.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0H6R7xRytk
Any-Who, back to the question at hand, should we allow Oklahomans to drive ever again?? N-O!!!NO!!!!
And the rant begins...
I want you to imagine a bunch of Douche-Baggery cars. You know the kind. The wannabe muscle car with the driver who thinks the answer to getting chicks into their souped-up, faux pleather interior hot wheels-esque car, is to share the road with others like a cracked out Richard Simmons.
When one of these sports cars (Chevy Camaro/Ford Mustang) zips by me in its dark, broody paint job and tinted windows, I can't help but hope they crash and burn in the ditch next to me, so that I can avoid their presence altogether. These are the main culprits for the atrocious driving. I'm not singling them out but they are the majority. What is it with Oklahoma and everyone feeling the need to wave their cars in front of you like a well hung porn star. We Get it! You have small dicks, now go do something more useful with all that low testosterone and ego.
These muscle cars don't just change lanes and pass you. No, that would be the logical thing. They swerve in an extreme fashion and make me think I'm going down with them. WHY?? What's wrong with casually changing lanes. Does throwing your steering wheel in one direction or another really make a difference in saving a few extra seconds? I doubt it, and you look like amateur 16-year-old when you do. STOP.
Also these darkly painted muscle cars look like the latest and greatest state trooper cars. Be normal and drive a white or silver SUV, so I can drive above the lame speed limit of 70 mph in your god-for-saken state. Texas, Kansas, and Nebraska all have a speed limit of 75. What's 5 more mph? It's not like any of the residents of the state abide by it anyways.
Oklahoma trucks have a tendency to reverse the fast and the slow lanes on the highways. Were you taught your driving skills south of the equator or in Europe?? Why is this the only thing that is backwards with your driving etiquette? They park in the fast lane and ironically the slow lane is where all the passing is done. I find this irritating! Why are you so special Oklahoma, that you don't feel the need to obey the traffic etiquette that every other state deems perfectly fine?
"You're not that special. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We're all part of the same compost heap. We're all singing, all dancing crap of the world."
- Tyler Durden from Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club
I have an idea. When I venture north for my homeward bound journey, I'll drive my car to the edge of northern Texas, ditch the car and hop on a small jet, which will fly me to the southern border of Kansas, where I'll get in another car, and resume my trek on four wheels touching the ground. What do you think??
Come at me pilots! I'm in the market for a personal pilot and small jet. Preferably one that has my name on it in neon colors, and is equipped with a full spa service, and a well stocked bourbon collection.